[personal profile] kaesa
I'm feeling better.

Not actually good, but better. My feelings kind of scabbed over and I'm a little numb. I was a bit of a mess earlier today because the heat went out again just before I went to bed and I was just feeling kind of... hopeless. It appears to be back on now although I am not going to say "it's fixed" because what if I jinx it. Nope, it dropped ten degrees somehow. HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE DROPPED THAT FAST??? WTF? Oh well. I'll try the circuit breaker reset trick and text the guy tomorrow morning.

Anyway, I know that the universe isn't actually out to get me and I generally have taken comfort in the fact that the universe gives zero fucks about me but sometimes has a weird sense of humor (and it's my job to figure out the punchline) but I'm a little worn out and every dumb thing feels like the last straw. Eventually I will be okay.

Escapism does wonders. I came up with a totally ridiculous way to incorporate Gaster into the Undertale Mob AU and I'm not sure if it's genius or terrible or terrible genius but I'll withhold judgment for now. And I wrote more?

(I have also written a bit of Alphyne fluff in the same 'verse, although I'm stuck on it because my inner editor wants it to have PLOT and my id wants it to have SWING DANCING and I can't get my inner editor to stfu so I can write the dancing.)

I realize to the vast majority of you this is like, "argle bargle argle UNDERTALE argle bargle gibberish" but it makes me feel like at least I'm not doing nothing but complain here? I think this was a bad time to start trying to post every day.

Does anyone have any cheerful canon recs? Preferably something in a medium I can listen to/read/watch/play on a tablet, since my desktop needs repairs desperately and is in the coldest part of my apartment.

And here's more of the mob AU, starting from where I left off Sunday:

"You got any idea what these specific instructions are?" I ask. Probably not, but it's worth asking.

She shakes her head. "Your guess is as good as mine. Better, maybe. How'd you say you knew Toriel, again?"

"I don't remember specifying," I say, maybe a little harsher than I meant it. She don't like my tone, clearly, but she's not gonna push it. "Sorry. I guess it's not that exciting. We were pen pals for a while, that's all."

"Pen pals," she repeats, clearly not believing me. I can't blame her. She's seen the state of my mailbox.

"Yeah," I say. "She likes getting mail."

Undyne doesn't know what to do with this, so she drops the subject. It's for the best. Things are awkward enough between Tori and Asgore and I don't wanna make things worse. Not that I think I -- well, anyway. Things are awkward. "Right," says Undyne. She puts out her cigarette, nearly breaking the ashtray in the process, and yawns. "We got another set in ten. You on the schedule for tonight?"

"Nah, they got a real comedian filling in tonight," I say. I almost laugh, she looks so relieved. She straightens her tie and starts to leave. "Hey, you want me to say hi to Alphys for ya?"

She brightens. "Yeah! Yeah, how's she doing? Wait, when are you seeing her?"

"Probably after the cops rough me up next," I point out. "So I don't know. Soon, though. The boys in blue, they got a lot of anger issues. I'm thinking I should charge by the hour like a head-shrinker."

"Oh. Yeah." She looks a little dismayed. Undyne may not like me very much but she's a part of the family, and she hates to see an innocent person get hurt. Lucky for her I'm not innocent, right?

"So I'll tell her hi, then," I say, taking my hat. "Hey, thanks for the grub." I get up to make my escape.

"What?" she says. "Hey! Come back here! I'm not paying for --"

I vanish into the crowd, and I'm home before she knows it.

* * *

Next day, at Il Spaghettore, I show up at exactly 12:29. It's a bad idea to keep Toriel Dreemurr waiting. She starts to worry where you got to, and I don't exactly deserve that kinda worrying.

When I get there, she's already at her usual table, thoughtfully doing the word search I made for the children's menu. "Sans!" she says, to all evidence delighted to see me.

"Hey." I pull up a chair. Papyrus has conscientiously left a stack of phone books so I can actually see over the table. Things like that are one of the reasons he's my favorite brother.

"Sans, are you aware that 'giastcltebrehber' is not a word?" she says. She's maybe trying not to laugh, and she's having trouble sounding out the non-word.

Before I knew her as the boss of the Dreemurr family, she was just a nice lady who worried too much, and she was my best audience. That hasn't changed, exactly, but the laughs are rarer now. Maybe I'm getting less funny. Maybe the world's getting darker. Either way, I don't wanna change the subject, so I lean into the joke. "Of course it is. Means 'someone who giastcltebrehbs.' You think a smart guy like me would stoop to making up words?"

"Also," she adds, "I cannot help but notice that this word is nowhere in the word search."

"You think a smart guy like me would stoop to cheating?" I ask.

"Would you not?" she asks, amused.

"Heh. Guess I don't have to stoop that far to do it," I admit.
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April 2017


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