Jan. 17th, 2016

I am depressed and feel totally useless. I keep being an idiot and reaching out to people who I know aren't going to respond, and then they don't respond and I'm like "oh nooo it's me they hate me" when in fact they're just doing shit like, uh, being too sick or busy to respond, or in one case being sick AND busy AND trapped in fucking Wyoming with a moving truck. (No offense to people who have chosen to go to Wyoming voluntarily. I've been to Wyoming! Voluntarily! It's very pretty. There are mountains, which always weird me out. But being stuck anywhere sucks.) And then of course I am lousy at thinking of anything to say to people who actually talk to me. (I am sorry. I really do like you, people I have ignored!) Anyway, unsurprisingly, that doesn't help at all. I did talk to my grandmother and my aunt today, so that was nice. Also the weird rash/bug bites I have seem to be going away, which is great because they're on my chin and neck and look really unsightly but every time I wear a turtleneck to cover them up they itch like crazy.

Anyway, I have therapy tomorrow and I always hate going into therapy and being like "Hi, I feel terrible." Even though regularly feeling terrible is one of the many reasons I need therapy, duh. IDK, I just always feel like there's some obvious cheat code to not feeling terrible (or whatever issue I am struggling with) and everyone else has it but me.

Re-reported my broken heat, as the thermostat looked like this today around noon. I kind of lost my temper and started allcapsing, but ffs the legal low temp in Chicago is 68 during peak hours and 66 at night. Then I went out and reset the circuit breakers and it worked... until now. And now I have to do it all over again. Was gonna take my computer apart today to maybe clean it out but felt too blah and cold for that. Supposedly tomorrow they're also coming to exterminate bugs.

Before I go, have some more Undertale fic. I did not write much and what I did write ended up being ...not what I wanted to happen, and I'm not sure if my dissatisfaction stems from my general bad mood today or because it is genuinely bad, so I'm holding off editing it out. But anyway, this is from before, when I think I was writing decent stuff. Again, this starts up where I left off yesterday.

I've never met him, but the Flower does not strike me as the parental type. )



April 2017


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